so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
