I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
