He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
