I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you mean i was at the winter classic?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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