I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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