I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
