i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
