Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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