We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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