Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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