Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just found puke in my bra..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
