dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
