He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
