i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
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not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
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yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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