what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
