At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
