So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
