So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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