I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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