i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
