I'm gonna have a badass scar
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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