That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
