My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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