I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
