So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
