i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
3 2 1 whiskey
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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