Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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