i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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