I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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