You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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