i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
