I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
