I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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