tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
