Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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