what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
