Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You took a bar mat shot.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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