how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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