So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
A bitchslap is in order.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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