Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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