I looked at my own cervix.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize