do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
