Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize