Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
