I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
