your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
