I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
