someone threw a dead crab at me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
