he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
