The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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