do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
