i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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