god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it glows. i had to have it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
