You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
