i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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