It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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