I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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