Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
