he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
