You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
