No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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